what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
