Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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