Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
