we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
