I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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