There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
