John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
