We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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