Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
