you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
