your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Olympian is in my bed
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