Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
