Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
