Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
