Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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