i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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