She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
