so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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