I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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