you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
