Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
