He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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