fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
