'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
