i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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