ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
