I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
