I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just googled if crying burns calories
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize