I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
