If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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