Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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