whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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