you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
