sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
