Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
