Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there was a trapeze. enough said
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
