If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
