can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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