While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
