Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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