I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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