That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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