I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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