all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You pole danced in your parka.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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