Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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