woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
