South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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