I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
