For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
