Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
