i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
