New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
soo... how was my night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
