It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
These tits shall not be calmed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
