he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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