I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
