I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
