I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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