I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize