I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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