Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
