Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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