Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize