I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
