I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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