I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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