In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
