How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
