none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
