listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
