He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
