peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
