you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
