i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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